TL;DR

Tealok is a personal cloud technology that empowers you to seamlessly manage your data, connect your devices, and organize your digital tools—all without the need for technical expertise, restrictive systems, or the hassle of platform decay. Imagine it as the smartphone in a world of payphones: always connected, unrestricted, and free from the high fees and limitations imposed by traditional solutions. With Tealok, you’re in control and ready to thrive in today’s digital age.

Crafting the Elevator Pitch for Tealok: A Behind-the-Scenes Look

After a remarkable meeting where we celebrated the sensational numbers from Eli’s hit blog post¹ on better container orchestration, our advisory board hit us with a challenge:
“Please give us an elevator pitch so we can explain Tealok to our friends and colleagues.”

Confidently, I promised to deliver before the next board meeting. But several days and a few bike/brainstorming (bikestorming?) sessions later, I’ve realized two things:

1. I’m not a marketing person.
2. Writing an elevator pitch for Tealok is incredibly hard.

So, I’ve decided to take you on this journey as I wrestle with the challenge, weaving the process into a blog post. Your feedback will not only refine the pitch but also provide insight into how Tealok could fit into your life. Let’s dive in!

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Step 1: Asking the Right Questions

Great pitches don’t start with the solution—they start with the problem. People care about their pain points, not our technical brilliance. So, I asked myself:

1. Who are we?
2. Who are our customers?
3. What are their problems, especially ones we can solve?

Who We Are

Gleipnir LLC is a partnership between Eli—a brilliant computer engineer²—and me—a brilliant scientist³ with an obsession for finding a better way. Together, we solve problems using computers. But that doesn’t mean we’re targeting just technical people.

Our goal is to empower individuals and families. Maybe it’s some kind of hero complex—help the helpless—or a Robin Hood mindset—level the playing field. But mostly, it’s because we both have beautiful families we want to protect. We believe the current offering of digital tools to do this is severely limited.

The Problem We Aim to Solve

Enshittification. Or, as we call it, platform decay.

Big tech prioritizes shareholders over users⁴, locking people into frustrating systems designed to give less while charging more. Software as a Service (SaaS) has become the norm. While it offers some convenience for users (no software installs, works on several devices at once) it’s primary draw is being far more profitable than “shrink-wrapped” software. It traps people in a cycle of rising costs and diminishing returns

Here’s how it plays out:

1. You find an app to make life better.
2. You love it, tell your friends, and they join too.
3. The company sees an opportunity to lock in its users, makes it hard to leave, and strips away features while raising prices.
4. Eventually, you’ve had enough and start looking for a better app—only to find a fresh new startup eager to repeat the cycle.

For the technically inclined, open-source software offers an escape. Communities of developers create powerful tools that are free to use and don’t lock users into subscription models. But open-source isn’t perfect:

• It can be very complex. You need to know what you’re doing to even read the instructions.
• You may do something wrong and not realize it until your data is gone or your system hacked.
• There are few, if any, avenues to get support, even if you’re willing to pay.
• Many existing businesses will go out of their way to stop you.

Enter Tealok. Our personal cloud technology bridges the gap, making the power of open-source accessible to everyone—technical or not.

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Step 2: Refining the Pitch

Two days into writing this blog post—and nearly a week after the challenge was issued—I woke up freezing but with my mind stuck on a formula. (I can’t take credit for this; my brain probably distilled it from years of being subject to advertising pitches.) Suddenly, everything clicked:

[Product/Service Name] is like [relatable analogy]: it helps you [specific solution] without [highlighting pain points of alternatives], so you can [meaningful benefit].

With this formula, the task became easier. The first part—Tealok!—was a cinch. Coming up with relatable analogies, however, took more effort.

Some Early Attempts

• Families Managing Logistics Tealok is like a well-organized family calendar that never forgets:* it helps you coordinate schedules, manage tasks, and share updates without mismatched apps or lost sticky notes, so you can focus on quality time together.
• Network Compatibility Tealok is like a universal translator for your home network: it helps all your devices communicate seamlessly, whether old or new, without the frustration of incompatibility or constant troubleshooting, so you can enjoy a truly connected home.
• Escaping Platform Decay Tealok is like owning your own digital domain: it keeps your favorite tools and services working reliably without slow feature erosion, rising costs, or invasive ads, so you can rely on technology that serves you—not a corporation.
• An AI Personal Assistant Tealok is like a private, personal assistant: it organizes your day, automates tasks, and provides tailored insights without sacrificing your privacy, so you can achieve more with less stress.

Adding Stronger Analogies

I thought these were okay, but I wanted something sharper, more grounded. So, I turned to Eli:

Me – “Let’s say you’re cornered in an elevator and they won’t let you out unless you explain what Tealok is in layman’s terms. What would you say?”

Eli – “Having trouble with the elevator pitch are you?”

Me – “Oh what a startling coincidence that this random question I decided to ask you would have bearing on an uncompleted task I’ve been working on… No it’s a totally independent question.”⁵

Eli – “Tealok is like your phone—it connects you to everyone else.”⁶

Genius! Here’s my take on that:

Tealok is like having a smartphone in a world of payphones. It’s a personal cloud technology that connects your devices, manages your data, and powers the apps you rely on—without locking you into subscriptions or complex setups. With Tealok, you’re in control, enjoying a simpler, more adaptable tech experience tailored to your needs.

Perfect! No room for improvement at all! Job done… except Tealok is not a phone and what if people don’t make the leap from the analogy to what Tealok actually is.

Step 3: A Literal Explanation

Okay, Tealok is more concept than actual product at this point (maybe 12%). Eli and I have decided to follow the Running Lean method which can be summarize in the catch phrase “Life is too short to build something nobody wants”⁷. Which means defining it is not easy⁸. But I figure I can use my earlier method in this case too, I’ll just replace the analogy with a definition and we should have it:

Tealok is a personal cloud⁹ technology¹⁰ that empowers you to manage your data, connect devices, and manage your digital tools—without technical expertise, restrictive systems, or the frustrations of platform decay so you can thrive in this increasingly digital world.

Hey that sounds pretty good. It has some technical jargon in there (not too bad I hope) so if we pair it with our analogy it should hit the mark.

Step 4: The Final Pitch

Here is my suggestion:

Tealok is a personal cloud technology that empowers you to manage your data, connect devices, and manage your digital tools —without technical expertise, restrictive systems, or the frustrations of platform decay, so you can thrive in this increasingly digital world.It’s like having a smartphone in a world of payphones: you’re free to move at will, always connected, and shielded from the high fees and limitations imposed by everyone else.

And now I ask ChatGPT for a spit shine¹¹:

Tealok is a personal cloud technology that empowers you to seamlessly manage your data, connect your devices, and organize your digital tools—all without the need for technical expertise, restrictive systems, or the hassle of platform decay. Imagine it as the smartphone in a world of payphones: always connected, unrestricted, and free from the high fees and limitations imposed by traditional solutions. With Tealok, you’re in control and ready to thrive in today’s digital age.

Hey, not bad. All it needs is to be polished with the sandpaper of reality which means your honest criticism (or praise if you like). We want to satisfy our future customers. If you have read this far you are likely a good candidate; what do you think of this elevator pitch? What do you think of the Tealok concept? Feel free to send me a note at benjamin@tealok.tech. Or you can comment on our social media platforms instagram or LinkedIn.

Notes